Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there's field. I'll meet you there. ~Rumi
Empathy Circles

The Empathy Circle process originated in the collaboration of Edwin Rutsch and Lidewij Niezink. It offers an opportunity to practice empathy with ourselves and others in an environment where we specifically intend to cultivate a culture of empathy. The circle process supports us to focus on empathy and also has flexibility and room for what arises among us in this context.
There are a number of ways that people understand the word empathy. I use a working definition of empathy that arises from the work of Carl Rogers, and includes three components: 1) unconditional positive regard; 2) deep listening; and 3) perspective taking. My experience is that these describe the empathic experience which suffuses an effective circle process regardless of content - community building, addressing issues, conflict, etc. Conversely, the absence of any one of these components is an obstacle to empathy. The cultivation of each informs and deepens all the others.
Empathy is cultivated through p.r.a.c.t.i.c.e.
Preparing for the Empathy Circle
The Circle isn't formal, but it seems most effective within a certain framework. Here are a few guidelines:
The Praxis of Ongoing Engagement - A Circle of Planning, Practice, Reflection
As you prepare for the Circle, think about what you would like to see happen and plan as best you can. In the Circle be flexible, but do follow your plan and practice. After the Circle it is very important to reflect on what happened - What worked? What didn't work? What would we like to see happen next? It is well worth it to take the time for this step to support planning for the next Circle. Rinse and repeat, over and over.
The Empathy Circle Process
The process is relatively simple. Here are the steps we use. Each part is designed to support empathic presence. Once you have done this for awhile, you may want to experiment with your own ideas and see what happens.
Opening: Intention and Candle Lighting: At the beginning of the Circle we state our intention to cultivate a culture of empathy, and we light a candle to symbolize or intention. (In situations not conducive to lighting a candle (such as in a school), we can use a battery operated candle, or some other means to symbolize our intention).
Centering: We begin by moving inward to connect with ourselves. This can take various forms, and often involves sitting in silence, closing our eyes, if we are comfortable with that, noticing our breath, how we are feeling and what we are sensing
Check-in: We begin our check-in with ourselves. As we center and move inward, we see what is arising in us. If we wish we then consider (and practice if we wish) a physical movement or sound - something we would like to share with others - that expresses how we are. Once we “return” to the circle and open our eyes we take turns showing this movement. Others in the circle do the movement as well, “mirroring” us, and thus beginning to deepen or empathic connection.
Sharing: During the sharing time we takes turns speaking and listening. The first speaker chooses someone to speak to and begins. Sometimes there is a specfic topic and sometimes not. We have found it useful to begin with saying more about how we are right now, as we have just experience this in the centering and check in part of the circle. Whatever the speaker says, the listener reflects back what they have heard the speaker say. (For more on this, see Tips on Reflective Listening, below.) This continues back and forth until the speaker is done. Often times, the speaker feels heard or “fully” heard - and says so. At this point the person who has been listening now takes a turn, choosing someone to speak to and so forth, We continue like this until it is time to move toward closing the circle.
Centering: Toward the end of the circle we again take a few moments to center and sense how we are and consider a movement that expresses that.
Check-out: To check-out, we take turns sharing and mirroring our movements with each other.
Closing: To close the circle, we remember again our intention to cultivate a culture of empathy, and with this in mind, blow out the candle (or other symbol) together, to send this intention out into the world beyond our circle.
Summary/The “Bones” of the Empathy Circle Process:
Opening: Intention and Candle Lighting
Centering
Check-in
Sharing (Introduce topic)
Centering
Check-out
Closing
Tips on Reflective Listening
The Empathy Circle process is designed to create an environment that supports empathic listening - sensing into our own and others' experience and perspective with genuine care. Please be patient with yourself and others; we become more empathic the more we practice. This is one of the reasons we sit in a circle! In the Empathy Circle, one of the ways we practice empathic listening is through reflective listening. Here are a few guidelines that we have found helpful:
There are a number of ways that people understand the word empathy. I use a working definition of empathy that arises from the work of Carl Rogers, and includes three components: 1) unconditional positive regard; 2) deep listening; and 3) perspective taking. My experience is that these describe the empathic experience which suffuses an effective circle process regardless of content - community building, addressing issues, conflict, etc. Conversely, the absence of any one of these components is an obstacle to empathy. The cultivation of each informs and deepens all the others.
Empathy is cultivated through p.r.a.c.t.i.c.e.
Preparing for the Empathy Circle
The Circle isn't formal, but it seems most effective within a certain framework. Here are a few guidelines:
- The purpose and intention of the Empathy Circle is to create a culture of Empathy. While there's is much latitude in what this means and how each of us might approach this task, it's important to clarify and agree to this as our intention.
- Anyone with an intention to create a culture of empathy can participate in an Empathy Circle, with 4-7 people a good number. If you have a larger group you can form smaller groups with a person with some experience offering facilitation in each. Depending on the environment you might want to begin together and move smoothly into smaller group for sharing time, then come back together for closing, if you like.
- Anyone can facilitate an Empathy Circle, once familiar with the process. It's nice to have two people co-facilitating the process is you have the resources. This offers support to the people offering facilitation as well as the process itself.
- An hour and a half is a good amount of time to allow for the Circle. It's important to have a clear beginning and end to the Circle and to stay within the time allotted to support the flow, avoid burnout, and to respect everyone's time commitments.
- Choose a place with minimal distractions/interruptions and where people can sit in a circle and see every other person. Google hangouts work and so do face to face environments. Whatever the environment, prepare ahead of time as best you can for technical and logistical issues. If people are new to the process and or environment, be sure to allow some time to get settled before the circle begins. In Google hangout, a full hour for drop in and testing of equipment connections is needed. In a face to face environment allow half hour or so before the Circle begins for people to arrive and get settled.
- It is quite disruptive for people to join the Circle after it begins, and we don't recommend it. If someone needs to leave before the scheduled end time, this tends to work allright, especially if the person tells everyone at the start. Stepping away briefly from the Circle in a way that minimizes disruption is ok.
- A topic chosen from any number of topcis can be offered as a a starting point for sharing in the Circle. Some topic ideas are, "How do we create a culture of empathy?", "What's arising in you from the check-in today?" and , "How are you today with regard to ______." It isn't necessary nor desirable to try to "stay on topic" and it's good to have a place to start. The Circle takes on a flow of its own. On the whole people tend to self-regulate. Please, do have care about addressing traumatic events and experience as an explicit topic. Be sure you have the resources to do this. Having a clear Circle process "container" as well as at least two people offering co-facilitation is important.
The Praxis of Ongoing Engagement - A Circle of Planning, Practice, Reflection
As you prepare for the Circle, think about what you would like to see happen and plan as best you can. In the Circle be flexible, but do follow your plan and practice. After the Circle it is very important to reflect on what happened - What worked? What didn't work? What would we like to see happen next? It is well worth it to take the time for this step to support planning for the next Circle. Rinse and repeat, over and over.
The Empathy Circle Process
The process is relatively simple. Here are the steps we use. Each part is designed to support empathic presence. Once you have done this for awhile, you may want to experiment with your own ideas and see what happens.
Opening: Intention and Candle Lighting: At the beginning of the Circle we state our intention to cultivate a culture of empathy, and we light a candle to symbolize or intention. (In situations not conducive to lighting a candle (such as in a school), we can use a battery operated candle, or some other means to symbolize our intention).
Centering: We begin by moving inward to connect with ourselves. This can take various forms, and often involves sitting in silence, closing our eyes, if we are comfortable with that, noticing our breath, how we are feeling and what we are sensing
Check-in: We begin our check-in with ourselves. As we center and move inward, we see what is arising in us. If we wish we then consider (and practice if we wish) a physical movement or sound - something we would like to share with others - that expresses how we are. Once we “return” to the circle and open our eyes we take turns showing this movement. Others in the circle do the movement as well, “mirroring” us, and thus beginning to deepen or empathic connection.
Sharing: During the sharing time we takes turns speaking and listening. The first speaker chooses someone to speak to and begins. Sometimes there is a specfic topic and sometimes not. We have found it useful to begin with saying more about how we are right now, as we have just experience this in the centering and check in part of the circle. Whatever the speaker says, the listener reflects back what they have heard the speaker say. (For more on this, see Tips on Reflective Listening, below.) This continues back and forth until the speaker is done. Often times, the speaker feels heard or “fully” heard - and says so. At this point the person who has been listening now takes a turn, choosing someone to speak to and so forth, We continue like this until it is time to move toward closing the circle.
Centering: Toward the end of the circle we again take a few moments to center and sense how we are and consider a movement that expresses that.
Check-out: To check-out, we take turns sharing and mirroring our movements with each other.
Closing: To close the circle, we remember again our intention to cultivate a culture of empathy, and with this in mind, blow out the candle (or other symbol) together, to send this intention out into the world beyond our circle.
Summary/The “Bones” of the Empathy Circle Process:
Opening: Intention and Candle Lighting
Centering
Check-in
Sharing (Introduce topic)
Centering
Check-out
Closing
Tips on Reflective Listening
The Empathy Circle process is designed to create an environment that supports empathic listening - sensing into our own and others' experience and perspective with genuine care. Please be patient with yourself and others; we become more empathic the more we practice. This is one of the reasons we sit in a circle! In the Empathy Circle, one of the ways we practice empathic listening is through reflective listening. Here are a few guidelines that we have found helpful:
- Remember that there is no right and wrong here. Be kind to yourself and others. There is someone who wants to be heard and another who wants to hear. If you reflect what you hear as best you can, this is enough. Even an “imprecise” reflection can be very useful to the speaker, you, and others because in some ways this is feedback for the speaker about how s/he speaker has expressed, in some ways feedback for you as a listener, and for others in the circle who are listening in silence. It shows how it is among us humans! The speaker can try again to everyone’s benefit.
- It's not necessary to repeat back every word the person is saying. Listen for what it means to the person speaking. There is a way that you are feeling into the speaker’s experience. You might use some of their exact words, and you might not. If an image or words that seem related come to mind, you might reflect that back. The speaker will let you know whether this matches his/her experience.
- Remember that reflecting back what you hear is a gift you give to the speaker. It is not an indicator of whether you see it the same way. You will have a turn, too, and can say what you would like from your perspective. That said, it can be quite interesting, useful, and even healing, to experience the multiple perspectives that people bring to the circle.